I must admit to feeling quite a bit of schadenfraude at the news last week that Paris Hilton, most famous for merely being famous, was sentenced to 45 days in jail for driving on a suspended license. The judge prohibited any alternative sentencing -- like house arrest. This caused both Paris and her mother to go into full-on whine mode reminiscent of Leona Helmsley's comment that "only the little people pay taxes."

Only the little people serve time in jail, not rich, beautiful people like Paris.

This was all bad enough, but now Paris is appealing to Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger for a pardon. If the governator were to grant it, I think we might be looking at another recall election. But that's a long shot.

What's hilarious is the online petition to get Paris off.

Paris Whitney Hilton is an American celebrity and socialite. She is an heiress to a share of the Hilton Hotel fortune, as well as to the real estate fortune of her father Richard Hilton. She provides hope for young people all over the U.S. and the world. She provides beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives.

If you're a young person who gets hope from Paris ... If you are provided beauty and excitement by her mere existence ... seek help from a qualified mental health professional.

We, the American public who support Paris, are shocked, dismayed and appalled by how Paris has been the person to be used as an example that Drunk Driving is wrong. We do not support drunk driving or DUI charges.

So, you don't support drunk driving, but you don't think anyone should be charged for drunk driving either? Maybe "we, the American public who support Paris," should take remedial English lessons.

WE NEED YOUR SUPPORT to save our Paris from ending up at the Century Regional Detention Facility! Please sign to tell The Honorable Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger of the State of California, to think about the welfare of this young woman who has made a mortal error...

Mortal error? I don't think you know what that means either.

If the late Former President Gerald Ford could find it in his heart to pardon the late Former President Richard Nixon after his mistake(s), we undeniably support Paris Hilton being pardoned for her honest mistake as well...

Does this mean that if Paris gets a pardon then Jimmy Carter will be elected in 2008?

Don't go away angry Paris. Just go away.