I know it sounds like some pornographic movie, but I'm convinced that's what the junior senator from Massachusetts is counting on to deliver on all of these promises he and the Breck girl have made in the campaign.

In an interview with Fox News' Sean Hannity, President Bush echoed the 9/11 Commission's finding that we are safer today than we were, but we are still not safe. Bush went on to say that whether we will ever again be safe is "up in the air."

In response, Sen. Kerry took a look at his all-powerful magic wand and said: "Well, let me tell you something ladies and gentlemen. You make me president of the United States, we're going to win the war on terror. It's not going to be up in the air whether or not we make America safe."

Yes, Kerry's magic wand will make it so that Muslim extremists will take a second look at the Koran and determine that the 72 virgins martyrs are promised are really just 72 white grapes (not soaked in gin). His magic wand will also ensure that every American anywhere in the world gets their own personal force field to stop suicide bomb attacks.

During a time of war, leaders need to be careful and consider what they say. (This may explain part of President Bush's increased verbal stumbles in recent years.) Kerry has been anything but careful. He's maligned the allies who are with us in Iraq in an attempt to woo countries that are in a perpetual state of schadenfraude as Americans and Iraqis die trying to bring hope and democracy to the Middle East.

The Cheneys were right: Kerry will say anything if it will get him in office.