Rev. Dr. David Gushee has penned a “prayer” to the gun. He begins with this note:
Some will find this post sacrilegious. What is truly a sacrilege is our devotion to an Object that keeps killing us and our children.
I didn’t find the post sacrilegious. I found it foolish, dishonest and stupid. When a black, gay, Obama-supporting madman shoots and kills two innocent people on live TV, somehow this is evidence that people who own guns for target shooting, self-defense, hunting or a bulwark against tyranny “worship” firearms. Like Jon Gold last week, the Rev. Dr. doesn’t seem to have the slightest idea what the vast majority of gun owners are like.
But I have been inspired:
A prayer to gun control
As I greet this glorious morning, oh gun control, I put my faith in you.
Wherever I may go, the “This is a Gun-Free Zone” sign will protect me from all evil, for you are my shield.
Within 1,000 feet of any school, I know thy gun-free school zone shall protect me from madmen.
When attending a movie at a Regal Cinemas, I know that the unarmed teenager checking bags will watch over me.
I need not worry about the insanity and evil in men’s minds, because universal background checks will foil them.
The 911 operator is my intercessor. She will send the police to save me from my tormentor.
The restraining order will protect me from those who would harm me.
Only law enforcement can be trusted with the awesome power of your nemesis.
The background check will save keep the evil guns from the evil…and the good.
In your name, gun control, the concealed carry permit shall not be valid on college campuses, to create an environment where rapists need not fear women.
Oh gun control, is not Carol Bowne’s life a worthy sacrifice?
Oh gun control, is not Amanda Collins’ violated body a small price to pay for your numerous blessings?
Oh gun control, we continue our faith in you even though, as your power has flagged and your reach diminished, crime has fallen.
Gun control, your foes are evil fools. We will continue to deny they have any goodwill for the innocent. Only we who worship you, oh gun control, are pure of heart.