Today I turn 35 years old and there's no words of wisdom or assorted platitudes that come to mind, just a line from a Garth Brooks song:

"I'm much too young to feel this damn old."

As always, gifts to mark this solemn occasion can be delivered in the form of cold, hard credit cards by using the Paypal or Amazon Honor System links in the sidebar. For those of you who feel more comfortable purchasing an actual item, you can find my Amazon wish list here.

And, of course, if anyone has the contacts and power of persuasion to set me up on a blind date with actress Kristen Bell, I will work around her schedule.

What Matthew Hoy really wants for his birthday.