Bloodthirsty conservatives

Matthew Hoy
By Matthew Hoy on January 20, 2017

My weekly column will appear Sunday in The Tribune. It won't appear completely as I submitted it, because I am apparently a bloodthirsty conservative.

The following sentence was deemed inappropriate for a family newspaper:

Like a bus full of lawyers going off a cliff, the ban is a good start.

The sentence is referring to the plastic beverage bottle ban being weighed by the San Luis Obispo City Council.

The prefatory clause, an old lawyer joke, was described as "bloodthirsty" and an "indictment of an entire profession." This analysis was confirmed by no fewer than four professional editors.

The joke originated shortly after the invention of the bus, so it's been around a long time. Accuse me of being unoriginal, not bloodthirsty.

Apparently a sense of humor is not required in today's newsrooms.

I also pointed out that this joke was rather tame, not bloodthirsty, considering the fact that in the past two weeks, the McClatchy-owned paper has published these two cartoons.

If it contains blood, is it bloodthirsty?
If sharks don't tear the body to pieces, then it's not bloodthirsty, right?

Check back Sunday for an updated link to my column.

4 comments on “Bloodthirsty conservatives”

    1. It's not a really big deal. It's just it feels like concern-trolling. As if my joke might prompt someone to gather lawyers together in a bus and then drive off a cliff.

  1. Liked your column in today's Tribune. I'm not a registered Republican nor Democrat....Independent rather. But what you had to say was meaningful. Keep it up.

  2. I guess there must be some lawyers among the tribs advertisers. It's more likely about money than purity of ideas. It's too bad the comment wasn't steamier, like suggesting that when multiple public employees do ANY non-employee harm, the offense should get a gang enhancement. No administrative leave either. If the unions won't provide assistance when really needed for housing etc, let them draw against any pending pension. (make it draw a bit more than face value) Better yet, let them WORK those administrative hours doing military chores. (any any registered gun owner should be proud to hold one for the military). City housing inspectors should get minimal benefits, like cremation? Jewelry salvage should go back to the general fund. (any gold in their teeth)

    Firemen complaining about comedy? Maybe we should instead see reminders of what KSBY called their biggest story of their sixty-some years, the highway 41 fire. It was set by a fireman wanting overtime (not slo city though). I like firemen and cried after one couldn't take nearby meth-heads anymore and shot a couple, and then himself. Only he died. Apple Valley police shot and killed a man from their copter. He had not harmed anyone and was a Iraq vet and CHP officer.
    Honor him with gun fire at his burial? Thanks for your service guy.

    Why can't we pay some smart poly kids to make net-launchers to capture people that act screwy without killing them? SLO could export something, and be admired.


BREAKING: We just filed a motion asking the Ninth Circuit to lift the stay in our lawsuit challenging California's ban on so-called "assault weapons," which, if granted, would allow the judgment striking down the ban to go into effect. Read it here:

Stole the image from a reddit post, but it appears to be an accurate summary.

The losers in Sacramento are throwing a temper tantrum in response to the ruling in Bruen. Now that they have to issue carry permits, they want to make basically everywhere a "sensitive place".

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January 2017



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