Great moments in border security

Matthew Hoy
By Matthew Hoy on June 8, 2005

So, a psycho Canadian comes to the U.S. and customs officials find a homemade sword, brass knuckles, a hatchet and an apparently blood-stained chainsaw.

I say "apparently" because customs officials didn't figure that this guy was worrisome enough to hold on to. They confiscated his weapons and told him to have fun in the United States. It turns out later that the Canadian, Gregory Despres, had used that chainsaw to chop off someone's head.

Customs officials said that they had no reason to hold him -- the Canadians hadn't discovered the murders yet. But does that mean they have to let him into the country? At the very least, take his picture, take his weapons and turn him around.

Miniature Swiss Army knives will get confiscated at the airport and cause you all sorts of grief from airport screeners, but showing up at America's front door with a blood-stained chainsaw, a sword and brass knuckles gets you a one-way ticket to America?

Have I mentioned that homeland security is a (bad) joke? I'm reminded of the scene -- I believe it was in "Airplane II" where people are walking through the metal detector at the airport. A bunch of terrorists carrying machine guns and bazookas walk right on through without setting off any alarms. Then a little old lady shuffles through, the alarms go off, and she's thrown up against the wall like a common criminal.

It's sometimes amazing how prescient movies can be when dealing with the insanity of a government bureaucracy.

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