The Captain is running a Saddam Hussein caption contest and it's good for a laugh.

My vote goes to Bullwinkle with this gem:

You want the TRUTH? You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at United Nations sanctions hearings, you want me doing the torturing, you need me slaughtering my own people. I used tactics like destroy, rape, and torture. I used these tools as the backbone of a life spent pillaging my own nation. You don't use them at all, unless you believe the crap that Newsweek and the New York Times publish, and nobody in their right mind does. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps dreaming of spreading democracy to good people, the very freedom that I always robbed them of, and now expects to punish me for my crimes. I would rather you just said "Bon travail, où mon argent est?:, and went on your way, like the French did. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a sword, and chop off a hand. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think of what I did.

There are plenty of other good ones, but the ones for GEICO and Just For Men hair coloring got old pretty quick.